erikadprice

When a bad thought buzzes like a wasp into the sunny garden of our thoughts, we swat the fucker and thump its crushed corpse into the flower bed.

from “Regeneration at Mukti” by Julia Elliott, published in The Pushcart Prize 2013

Tiangong Park, part 4/4

After a few minutes the solitude is broken by an old man in a long jacket. He’s carrying a big box, or a briefcase; whatever it is, it’s covered in a brown tarp. He settles on a bench a few feet away and places the box at his feet.

“Afternoon,” he says.

“Afternoon…”

He proceeds to flip the cover, revealing a mesh cage filled with little grey and white birds. They make a soft cooing sound and arrange themselves near the door, in a small huddle like children at story time. The man lifts the latch and the come out into the grass.

“Doves?”

He’s reaching into his pocket. Breadcrumbs in a gallon plastic bag. “Pigeons.” He spreads some of the crumbs before him, and the birds peck with surprising calmness.

“You have them well-trained,” I say.

He sucks on his lower lip and tells me, “They know there’s plenty to eat.”

There’s seven of them. One bird hops over and lifts of the ground. It settles on the edge of the fountain, a few feet from my legs. I’ve seen plenty of birds before, at the nature reserves and zoos, but none as bland and stout and stupid-looking as this one.

“You can touch it,” the man offers.

“I’m good.” It doesn’t get any closer to me. “Where are they from?”

He extends a shaking hand to the brown globe below us.

“No.”

He chews at his lip and flings more crumbs. An overflowing cupped hand of stale bread, which probably came from the baker-woman our mom frequents. The man points to one of the birds, the shortest and grayest of them all. Its feathers stick out at jagged angles.

“This one,” he says. “His great-great grandaddy was taken off the surface of Earth.”

“And the rest?”

“Great great great grandaddy. My aunt was there. She and my uncle rescued them. Like Noah’s ark.”

I slide to the edge of the fountain. His skin is brown and suffused with purple and red veins. His nose, especially, is streaked. You could drag a dull fingernail across his skin and draw blood, it looks like.

“I didn’t know they took animals off the surface after the expansion,” I say.

He removes his hat and works a crumb-dirtied finger through what remains of his hair.
”My aunt told me there were dozens of missions. They even sent a few marine biologists back into the oceans, with traps and things. They scooped up all kinds of clown fish and baby sharks, jellyfish. Can you imagine how hard it was? All those heavy tanks and cages stowed on board?”

“What happened?”

“One of the shuttles was too heavy. They were trying to bring an antelope up, or a seal. Maybe it was a tiger. Anyway, they didn’t even break through the atmosphere.”

“That’s awful.”

He swallows some spit. “Eh. All the birds made it. Bones are hollow. It was stupid of them, trying to take big mammals up.”

“I’m sure they didn’t have the space for them,” I say, “you know, to run around in.”

He empties the bag of crumbs. There’s a mound two-inches tall. The bird by my side hops off the fountain and goes to eat, cooing very softly.

“We never had enough space,” he said. “Those days we felt like animals on Noah’s ark, too. I-200 had fourteen thousand people on it, back then. Stacked up like crates.”

“I can’t imagine.”

“Shit-water running out of the pipes, us all huddled up and eating oats and bits of cardboard…but the pigeons made it.”

He strokes a pigeon on the neck. Then he looks up and surveys the quad. It doesn’t look as pitiful now. It’s green and long; all of Tiangong’s citizens could line up on the lawn and they wouldn’t have to touch elbows. The population density is only going to diminish.

“I guess living here must be heaven compared to that,” I offer.

While he’s brushing the crumbs from his lap he says, “It makes a good womb. And nobody here gives me crap about the animals. They like ‘em.”

When he opens the cage again, the birds enter in single-file. The man groans a little with the weight of it, and hobbles across the uneven turf, back to his unit.

“Nice meeting you!” I call, a little too late, and he gives a tired wave with the back of his hand without looking back.

The brown earth gets an orange tinge as the sun disappears behind it. Sam should paint the birds. I want to tell him. I want to say that there’s a lifetime worth of paintings to be made here. I thought that maybe he wasn’t living up to his potential, being here…but perhaps he’s just like my languishing clients. He needs an impossible task.

I stuff my hands into my sweater and dash across the quad, up the bricks, past the baker’s house, to our mother’s front door. It doesn’t even have a lock. Tiangong has a population of three hundred, and not everyone who owns a condominium here actually lives here. They all know one another. If there was a crime, there would be nowhere to run. The nearest space outpost is a day’s journey at least.

“Mom! Sam!” I let the door hit the wall as I come in, but nobody complains.

The house is dark. Our plates are in the sink and the wine jug is on the table, drained. Sam is not a big drinker, and Mom doesn’t like the way alcohol makes her even more fuzzy. My smartglass is in the dining room, with the upload paperwork pulled up. I go into the kitchen, calling their names.

I go out on the deck. Sam’s latest painting is there, and all his tools are scattered on the pavement in a half-moon shape. He has painted a vast, grey-blue sea with a cluster of sand-colored islands. I look in his telescope for a moment, to see if I can find his inspiration. All I see is grey, endless grey water, nothing else.

And then I see the glow coming from Mom’s room. A bright blue light shining out the window, into the yard. I run back into the house.

“Mom! Sam! What are you—”

They’re lying a few feet apart on her bed. The comforter is drawn underneath them and they’re lying with all their clothes on, their hands turned down, their eyes fluttering like they’re dreaming. A small console sits between them. The cord runs from the machine to ports in each of their heads. The screen glows bright blue.

UPLOAD IN PROGESS, it says.

Their bodies aren’t cold, but they aren’t warm either. Their breathing is very slow and their eyes are darting rapidly. Mom was afraid to walk into the Haze alone, with her mind in the state that it is. Sam said he would stay with her no matter what. Now he can lead her there.

I take Sam’s hand and find a piece of paper in it.

I’m coming back, he has written.

People have joined the Haze prematurely before, out of curiosity or desperation. They say they’ll come back. But no one ever does. You can ask a person what they want, but they’re terrible at knowing. People rarely end up wanting what they tell you.

————

This is the final chapter of Tiangong Park. Click here to read from the beginning. 

wrongstateuniversity
Class begins tomorrow, 04/25/2033. 

Class begins tomorrow, 04/25/2033. 

Ohio Portrait No. 23

One of my Ohio Portraits was just published and fantastically illustrated by Canto Magazine. Send them some love!

The Spritz or teh Shitz?

As I’ve written about before, Spritz is garbage psuedopsychology. Here’s a great article on exactly why. 

Founded in 2012, Wrong State University is a private, for-profit school of higher learning in an unnamed sector of the Midwest. Originally named Wrong State College, WSU specializes in applied education programs and vocational learning in the technology, sports, food science, and military psychology fields. 
When the Artificial Empathy, War Studies, and Artificial Meat Departments added graduate programs in 2021, the school finally became a true university, and has expanded in enrollment and grown in prestige ever since. As of 2033, WSU has an enrollment of 18,240 students, and a staff of over 3,000 professors, teaching aides, and adjunct lecturers. 
An estimated 30% of WSU’s enrolled students are distance learners from around the globe, or aboard allied international space stations. It is possible to earn an undergraduate or graduate degree from WSU without ever setting foot inside a classroom. 
WSU is also paving the way in human augmentation technologies. Over 50% of all staff have at least one form of artificially intelligent hardware installed in their bodies. Over 70% of enrolled students do. Wrong State uses the patented Grey_Slate education system to administer course content, transcripts, and bills to its neurally augmented students. 
Houston Avers, the President of Wrong State University has formally stated a goal of attaining 100% student augmentation by 2035. Neural networking capabilities became a requirement for matriculating students in 2031. Biologically unaltered instructors are being slowly phased out by the university’s HR coordinator. Since these changes were implemented, productivity has increased 23%. 
Wrong State is committed to excellence in its staff and students. It has been consistently rated as a “Best Value” school, according to ISS News & World Briefings, and is a “Three Star, Shining Safety School” according to Princeton Review. 
But don’t take our word for it. Come see for yourself! To tour campus, simply connect your ocular nerve to one of our four hundred campus webcams. Enrollment sales professionals are on-call to assist you in choosing Wrong State. 
————
WRONG STATE, a science fiction academic satire premiers this Friday. 

Founded in 2012, Wrong State University is a private, for-profit school of higher learning in an unnamed sector of the Midwest. Originally named Wrong State College, WSU specializes in applied education programs and vocational learning in the technology, sports, food science, and military psychology fields.

When the Artificial Empathy, War Studies, and Artificial Meat Departments added graduate programs in 2021, the school finally became a true university, and has expanded in enrollment and grown in prestige ever since. As of 2033, WSU has an enrollment of 18,240 students, and a staff of over 3,000 professors, teaching aides, and adjunct lecturers. 

An estimated 30% of WSU’s enrolled students are distance learners from around the globe, or aboard allied international space stations. It is possible to earn an undergraduate or graduate degree from WSU without ever setting foot inside a classroom.

WSU is also paving the way in human augmentation technologies. Over 50% of all staff have at least one form of artificially intelligent hardware installed in their bodies. Over 70% of enrolled students do. Wrong State uses the patented Grey_Slate education system to administer course content, transcripts, and bills to its neurally augmented students.

Houston Avers, the President of Wrong State University has formally stated a goal of attaining 100% student augmentation by 2035. Neural networking capabilities became a requirement for matriculating students in 2031. Biologically unaltered instructors are being slowly phased out by the university’s HR coordinator. Since these changes were implemented, productivity has increased 23%. 

Wrong State is committed to excellence in its staff and students. It has been consistently rated as a “Best Value” school, according to ISS News & World Briefings, and is a “Three Star, Shining Safety School” according to Princeton Review.

But don’t take our word for it. Come see for yourself! To tour campus, simply connect your ocular nerve to one of our four hundred campus webcams. Enrollment sales professionals are on-call to assist you in choosing Wrong State. 

————

WRONG STATE, a science fiction academic satire premiers this Friday. 

Tiangong Park, part 3/4

The bread is warm under my arm as I cross the plaza back to our mom’s condo. It’s night on I-3001 where I live, but here it’s midday. Tiangong and this half of the Earth are cloaked in warm sunlight. The solar panels are in bloom, the dome is open, and we are facing the rough brown surface of the mother planet. Grey blue water lays flat between the torn ground like shards from a mirror. The ruined ground looks like chippings from a terra cotta pot that’s been dropped.

It’s not beautiful to look at. People romanticize what the Earth is like; there are posters of the planet in every school in every major outpost in the Milky Way. In them, the Earth is oversaturated with blue and green. The big holes are smudged until they resemble canyons or old cities. The natural light is nice, shining down on Tiangong’s streets the way it does, but you can’t escape the ground staring at you, knowing you’ve betrayed it and left it for dead.

I’m a few steps from Mom’s stoop when I get the shiver. In the shadow of her building, my arms prickle. So I turn around and go back into the sunlight. I head down the plaza into the park, relieved to discover that it’s basically empty.

Tiangong Park is this space station’s only green area. There are no crops here, no wildlife reserves; it’s too small. Originally designed as a research base, it was rehabbed into a community in the midst of the Great Expansion. Modern space stations have dozens of acres of designated green space of all kinds.

Here there’s just a measly one-acre quad with a few maple trees. A fountain, a some wooden benches, a box garden with a few sad tomatoes that the old women dig around in. That’s it. I leave my shoes on the brick and go across the grass. I look up at the Earth as I squish my toes in the turf, and imagine what a whole floating orb of life would look like, really look like.

My brother wants to stay and paint the Earth. As Tiangong orbits, he gets a new perspective on the planet without leaving Mom’s porch. He wants her to dig the telescope out of the attic so he can scour the surface for signs of life and undiscovered ruins. He paints the forests that are dead, the trees that have fallen, the canyons that remain, the skeletons he imagines in the rubble.

He wants to stitch all the images together, large and small, to create an exhaustive artistic rendering of the world below. That’s what he calls it. Terra Below. If he had a daughter he’d name her that, probably.

He won’t tell me that crap, because he knows I’ll pitch a shitfit. He’ll bleed Mom dry buying those paints, shipping them from Io or wherever, eating Mom’s expensive produce and meat. I know he’ll take good care of her in return. I know that if I abandon her to die, I don’t deserve to resent him. But I do.

At night I open his smartglass and read his diary, read about his art, his plans, and my stomach gets all acidic. I can’t sleep then; I can’t lie down without the acid spilling up my throat. I want to spit it in his sleeping face. I stay up all night and keep reading, leaf through his drawings trying to find one that’s horrible.

The fountain in the center of the quad is a big copper-colored bowl of water, with a round bellied fish spitting a stream into the air. A small-titted mermaid leans against his back, squeezing one of her nipples. With her free hand, she holds a jug across her lap, which spills more water into the basin. There are rocks and a few coins in the water, and goldfish.

I stick my feet in the water and the fish startle and swim away. The bottom of the basin is painted blue, to simulate oceanic freshness. We should paint the bottom of the Earth blue, so the water looks right again. I’m not sure it really ever looked the way it does in old and doctored photos. One day, I will die and join the Haze, and all the dead people will tell me the truth.

I look at the Earth and try to see what my idiot brother does. All the bumps and holes, the crags and canyons. It looks like a bunch of dried-out old lady labia. It’s fallow. There’s nothing for anyone here but the pretense of a memory. Our bodies can’t tell that we came from that place, they can’t sense it. There is nothing magical about it. You can look at your mother’s stomach all day and you’ll never see yourself.

————

As a life assessor, I come across three types of clients. The first are those with straight-up mental illness. Their lives are crumbling because they are defective for the setting they’re in. Sometimes they’ve been an ill fit forever; occasionally there is a precipitating event. I cannot help these people improve their lives. I can, however, direct them to new ones.

The autistic, obsessive-compulsive, and antisocial do well on Io, for example. They enjoy quiet manufacturing jobs and darkness. They live in spartan dormitories and have meals brought to them. The co-dependent make amazing nurses and caregivers, and live in big flocks on every medical wing and retirement home in every space station. 

The second group of clients are victims of tragedy. A person close to them died, or they lost an essential part of themselves, or they failed in some incurable way. Now everything feels wrong.

These clients take some tinkering. There is no perfect solution for grief or shame. But the great thing is, most tragedy-struck clients will eventually get better. If you keep trying new treatments, keep sending them to new settings, eventually they will recover and think you were the cause. They pay their bills on time and recommend me to other clients.

The final class of clients are the languishing. These people have no defect that we can detect, biologically or psychologically. They had good upbringings, they are smart, and they have many talents. And yet they find their situation to be lacking. Logic says they should flourish wherever they go, and yet they sink. They’re too porous.

The solution for the languishers is simple, though. You send them someplace horrible. A mine on the base of Mars or Mercury for a depressed writer. A solar farm on the edge of Sol for a despondent stay-at-home dad. A terraforming base on Charon for an old man with fifteen ex-wives.

That’s it. That’s the solution. You take the miserable person and you find their perfect, complementary miserable situation. It breaks them open. They write you heartfelt messages saying you’ve touched their soul, wiggled your finger around in it, and dug all the lint out. These clients pay handsomely, because they don’t need the trappings of their old lives.

My job is to help people find their optimal living conditions. Everybody has one. Everyone has some circumstance they are suited for. The gift of our era is that there are so many ways to live. And there are people like me who can tell you what’s best.

————

Tiangong Park is a story in four parts. Click here to read from the beginning. 

We need a Weather of Night Vale album already holy fuck 

Tiangong Park, part 2/4

Now the spoon drops and she gets mad. “Uploaded? That’s what you want? Just get rid of me?”

Sam takes a long breath. “It’s not getting rid of you. It’s just giving you a place to stay, where you don’t have to worry—”

“Just shove your old mother in a fucking air sickness bag and hurl her into space,” she continues. She pushes off the table and stands up. She used to be five foot seven, but three of those inches have turned into a hump in her back.

“It’s not like that Mom, and you know it.” I put a hand on her shoulder and she flinches a little. “The sooner you do it, the more…intact you’ll be.”

“Your father’s in the Haze,” she spits. “I can’t look at him again.”

The Haze is the informal name for it. It’s a cloud-based network, created in the days of the old internet. On Earth, before everything went to shit, they invented a way for people’s minds to be downloaded from their brains after death.

But the minds got lonely, living all alone on hard drives that sat on their relatives’ desks. So they networked with each other and shared their information, pooled their memories and experiences. The Haze has been with us ever since. Not everybody chooses to join when their time comes (and not everybody dies, not anymore), but most do.

They say that adding your mind to the Haze is like walking into a big room full of laughing people, and when you enter it’s like you’re adding one more riff, one extra punchline that just sends everybody into new fits and giggles, even yourself.

They say it’s one big intellectual hug with everyone that’s ever lived, where all misunderstandings are smoothed out, where all ignorances are eradicated. Every child grows up looking forward to it and fearing it, just like puberty.

I reach into my bag and pull my smartglass out. “I have the documents right here,” I tell her. “We could hook it up today, if you wanted. Or whenever you decided.”

We watch our mother hobble around the dining room table, into the kitchen, through to the living room, where she settles in a heap on our dad’s old rocking chair. Her sewing is a garbled knot of threads hanging off the arm. She rocks furiously, scowling, almost muttering to herself. She used to be the kind of mom who said you were an idiot to your face. We miss that.

“Mom,” Sam says, “Think about it. You wouldn’t be alone out here anymore. And you’d feel better. It’s good for people in your situation.”

“Just ship me off to Never-Neverland already.”

“No,” I say. “It’s not like that. Your brain — shit, Ernestine, we know it’s getting worse by the minute. But if you put your brain on the network, that’s it! The Alzheimer’s won’t progress!”

“I know my brain is getting worse,” she growls. “I was talking to the woman that makes the bread yesterday, and I forgot your husband’s name, for crying out loud.”

“I- I don’t have a husband.”

She shrugs and makes a face at me, a smug, what-did-I-tell-you face.

“Kids. You think I can just walk into the Haze, with everybody that’s there…and let them see me like this? What will I say to your father?” She grips the armrests. “What if I don’t recognize him?”

“Old memories are the last to go,” I tell her, automatically, and Sam shoots me a look.

“Everyone loves you. They’ll be happy to see you,” he offers. “I don’t think they’ll mind.”

My brother is a painter. His ‘job’ is graphic design, but his work is painting. Mom’s guest room is filled with canvases and sheets of paper, all stacked up from the floor to the light switches. He has a little studio set up on Mom’s back deck, overlooking Tiangong Park.

“They’ll think I was always an idiot,” she says. “I get so confused…and then I get scared. And I think, will it always be like this? If I go into that Haze, I’ll be frozen like this. It might be better to just…let it get worse. Because then it will eventually stop.”

I try to speak, but a quivering sad noise comes out instead. Sam is practically on his knees, taking Mom’s hand once again, whispering, “Okay, it’s okay. We’re not gonna make you. I’m not gonna leave you.”

My brother believes we should do whatever Mom wants. He thinks we ought to follow her word as gospel, until the day she dies. I think we should teach her to want what is best. I’m a life assessor, of course I think that. It’s my job to help people find their best setting, their best circumstances, their best self. It’s also my work.

“What time does the bakery close?” I ask.

Our mom looks at her tablet a moment. “19:45,” she says. “Better get a move on.”

————

Tiangong Park is a story in four parts. Click here to read from the beginning. 

SoundCloud / E Price 2

Cc Chapter One

erikadprice:

Corpus Callosum: The Audiobook. Chapter One.

When 30-year-old firefighter Josephine Porter dies in the line of duty, her overly attached sister Jeanette takes drastic technological measures to preserve her mind. 

And on a lighter note, here’s a story about death.